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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.

Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics

Question: Husband is not well - has violent outbursts!

 rg1479 - Sun Aug 28, 2005 9:47 am


I have been married to my husband for 4 years and I have come to realize that his behavoir is alarming and not normal. I was young when we got married and as I have gotten older I have come to this realization.
My husband is 28 years old and has had 8 jobs, the longest lasting one was 2 years. He has been fired from 2, both of which he claims where not his fault and accused of being abusive to an employee in another job.
During our marrige he has had violent outbursts, he has hit me 3 times and threatened my life on several occasions. He though can go months without an outburst and be perfectly nice During the outbursts it is like he shuts down, becomes very cold and unfeeling to the point where I can cry and cry and he doesn't care.
I recently found out that he has been violent with both his mother and father in the past, and he has a very unhealthy relationship with his father. His father and him talk on the phone al least 6 times a day and get into horrible fights, he seems to seek his father's approval on everything.
He is also has taken pain medication for almost 2 years straight for a number of different ailments and now can't seem to go without them.

I am very, very worried and don't know what to do, thanks.
 Theresa Jones, RN - Tue Aug 30, 2005 5:29 am

User avatar Hi rg1479,
I would suggest that you discuss your concerns with his physician. During an evaluation he/she may be able to do a referral for some psychiatric intervention. Intermittent explosive disorders cause violent outbursts and individuals rarely accept responsibility for their actions and typically blame others for these episodes. Anger management etc. is most certainly warranted. You on the other hand, do not have to live with abuse. There is assistance available. Domestic violence may have very dreadful outcomes. Treatment is certainly warranted and I urge you to call his physician.
 PakMan1618 - Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:51 pm

i hope he is not an alcoholic or anything. ive been abused by my father when i was really young, i don't know why. he would always state "your a boy, why are you crying" Somehow i believe religion changed his life and we have a healthy relationship now. Im a really forgiving person, if your wondering if i have any inner feelings about this. Maybe try talking to him about the situation, or make him realize that you are really hurt when he's not exploding. Anyways, i hope this helps somehow
 DeLWolcott - Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:59 am

Counseling would be a good starting point. You can start by going through a church, or a support group. You can start by yourself if you do not feel comfortable talking to him about the situation right now.

YOUR safety is of utmost importance. You do what you need to do to keep yourself out of harm's way. Once you feel comfortable with addressing him about the situation, counseling should be started.

His chronic use of pain medication is a problem in itself that will need to be dealt with through his physician and another professional source for your safety. This all may lead to the need of your husband and his father going into therapy, but these arrangements are usually difficult to make when both parties are well above 18 and set in their ways. Let the doctor/s deal with the discontinuation of the pain medications because this could become a very dangerous situation for you.

You keep yourself safe and keep us up to date on how you are doing. Best wishes and prayers of hope sent your way!
 DeLWolcott - Wed Sep 21, 2005 11:00 am

Once you feel comfortable with addressing him about the situation, counseling should be started.

This should read "counseling for both of you should be started."
 merrymoon - Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:29 am

May have BiPolar Disorder...Needs to see psychiatrist for diagnosis & medication.
 DeLWolcott - Mon Oct 03, 2005 9:31 am

Counseling should be sought for a correct diagnosis. Medication should NEVER be the first route of treatment until other options have been explored and attempted.

Chronic narcotic use must be addressed before a mental diagnosis is placed upon him.

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