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Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics
Question: Normal feelings after being abused?
|toban - Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:58 am|
Hi. i was in a abusive relationship with my bf, now ex boyfriend. We were together for 2 years and he was controlling at times. It escalated shortly after I had wrist surgery three months ago. Became very verbally abusive, led to physical abuse, which included hurting my arm where I had surgery. I finally I had the guts to leave him. He would often make comments like no one cares about you and if I said that the surgeon is a nice doctor etc, it would make him mad. He would say things like the doctor is an idiot, doesn't care about your health. Almost like he was playing mind games with me. The last physical assault, he hit me with a hammer in the arm where I had surgery. As a result I have a fractured finger, wearing a splint. My surgeon is aware of some of the abuse, not the fractured finger yet, and has been kind and supportive. I know I should not feel ashamed, but I do. My self-esteem is eroded. I feel angry at him for hurting me, vulnerable at times. When I go out in public, I am always watching over my shoulder or if I see a car that looks like his. Also if anyone has a hammer in my presence, it freaks me out. I don't scream or yell, just back up. One day I was over at my neighbours house and he was fixing something. Pulled out a hammer and started working away. I literally froze. I don't think he noticed. I am very overprotective of my arm where I had surgery. If someone touches it accidently or bumps into it, freaks me out. When I am waiting at the doctors office, I even tuck it under a magazine I am reading. I am assuming all of tihs is normal?
|DeLWolcott - Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:15 pm|
Yes, this is a normal reaction to everything you have been through. If possible, get yourself into a counselor or psychologist to work through this post-traumatic stress. You will need to take baby steps to get yourself comfortable again in your surroundings, and a trained professional will be able to guide you through these steps.
Also, please let your doctor know exactly what happened and don't hide other injuries from him. Ignoring these injuries could make you suffer extra pain needlessly for the rest of your life or cause problems later on in life.
You take care and keep yourself surrounded by those you trust. Good wishes to you!
|lilysuzanne - Sat Sep 24, 2005 6:50 pm|
I am formerly abused child and wife, personally, if I were you I would get a restraing order free of charge and always call the police when someone physically hurts you. I regret not doing it in the first place, and when i did, it did wondersfor my self esteem. Take care , nobody deserves that.i
|toban - Sat Sep 24, 2005 7:24 pm|
Thank you both. :D I know I should call the police and not let him get away with this. I guess because I have been through so much, not sure I can handle it. I plan on seeking counseling Also I plan on looking into a restraining order. As for the surgeon, I see him in about 9 days, wearing my splint, so I will tell him. Actually I did see him shortly after the assault and just said my arm was in pain, bf hit it. Did not tell him the rest of my symptoms and I waited for about 3 weeks before seeking help at a walk in clinic. I knew something was odd with my finger. I think I just felt humiliated, fearful etc.
|DeLWolcott - Sat Sep 24, 2005 11:10 pm|
It's natural for us to feel humiliated in these scenarios for some reason, but there is no reason for you to feel that way.
It is probably too late to file charges without documentation and pictures at the time it happened. BUT get in to see your physician and document everything now with him so it is on file in case anything happens in the future. Somehow get a copy of this documentation to the authorities to at least have on file with them. If he ever tries to do anything again to you, immediately contact the authorities to come intervene!
And keep yourself surrounded by those you trust. Keep yourself protected without becoming a recluse. Counseling is very important so you can find the strength within yourself to deal with these situations head on without doubt or fear.
None of this is your fault, and there is no reason that you should have to live the rest of your life in fear. I wish you the best!
|Perrik - Thu Sep 29, 2005 4:23 am|
But I couldn't find a Post New Topic option anywhere and I searched for a good ten to fifteen minutes. If a moderator could split this into another thread, I'd appreciate it a ton.
Anyways, my issue is entirely unrelated, which is why I feel bad for posting it here. About six months ago, I was persuaded in college to take half of an 1/8th of psilocybin (shrooms.) I had an intensely frightening experience that I was comforted during by friends. At moments, I was certain that I was dead or could see the future. Following this, I smoked marijuana two time, about two weeks apart. Each time, I had a shroomlike experience where I was convinced that I would die or go permanently insane. The first time, I recovered ok and felt decent the next morning. The second time however, the uneasiness and anxiety did not pass. I came home and each night experienced deep, disruptive feelings of dread and fear. I was worried that I had lost control of my mind. My biggest concern was that I would never feel normal again. My mind seemed to fight with itself, as some of my thoughts seemed to lead me to the conclusion that I would have to kill myself to end the fear and these thoughts were immediately followed by an immediate refusal. I became petrified that I might commit suicide at some point if I was put in a potential situation and lost control. I did EXTENSIVE amounts of research into marijuana use and I believed that what had taken place was a surfacing of dormant schizophrenia. I sought professional help with a doctor who did not believe I was schizophrenic, and rather that I had ADHD. I felt that was entirely off-track and sought another doctor. He placed me on the antipsychotic, Zyprexa.
Zyprexa made me feel very drowsy and disconnected. In addition, it gave me terrifying nightmares. I believe I took it for about a month before I stopped entirely and never saw my doctor again. This was in March. Since then, I had felt absolutely perfect. My personality came back. I never broke into panic when experiencing deja vu. Nothing really seemed to trigger fear or anxiety anymore.
Then, about three days ago, for my birthday, some friends of mine wanted me to try marijuana again. I reluctantly agreed to only take one hit. At first, I felt ok, but then symptoms of my previous bad trips came through. I felt alone and as if everything was a dream or unreal. However bad it was, it wasn't as paralyzing as the experiences I mentioned before. Still, the following days and even now, I have been constantly on edge and entirely unable to interact socially. I can't remember conversations that I had just minutes before. I always seem confused and distracted by my nervousness. I feel outwardly wierd and it scares me to death. At night, right before I sleep, I spend an hour or two panicking and freaking out over the thought that I might have just triggered permanent damage. I may never have my personality back and I might ALWAYS feel like I'm living a nightmare.
It should be apparent that I want to get this resolved as quickly as possible. Each day that I spend wrapped in anxiety and fear, I feel like I'm losing grip of my old, normal self. I feel like time is a major factor here and that i may be unrecoverable if I don't recieve immediate attention. Please help me. I plan on making a doctor's appointment to seek help tomorrow. I'm willing to take Xanax, but I do not want to be on medication long-term and I don't want to alter my behavior from the norm.
|DeLWolcott - Fri Sep 30, 2005 8:10 am|
The first thing that I believe stands out to me AND to you is that your body cannot tolerate any exposure to these elicit substances. I assume you made it to your doctor's appointment and have been given a schedule of something to get you through this latest episode.
Everything you wrote expresses to me that you have a good handle on what you do and do NOT want to do with your life as far as taking medications the rest of your life. Go with that common sense, get yourself through this time and please remember what you have gone through with each of these latest episodes. You'll be fine.
Growing up we are taught to "Just say no!" Once we've grown up, we have no choice but to say "no." :wink: You have a great future ahead of you. Go get the world and don't let these side shows deter your effort. Best of luck to you!
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