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Date of last update: 8/24/2017.
Forum Name: Psychiatric Topics
|Mystical_Dreamer - Fri Nov 04, 2005 1:15 pm|
Like so many I found this site while cruising the internet.
I am the type of person who keeps everything bottled up inside. I try to get things out, but my throat locks up (and I have to force my voice to come out) and instead of expressing myself when upset I just swallow and push it down inside. This isn't healthy and I know it.
I couple of years ago I sunk in to a deep depression. I started cutting myself (I don't anymore) because I thought that because I was obese I deserved it. I even attempted to cut my skin so that I could scrape out the fat, but I stopped myself, but not before leaving a gash in my arm (now a two inch scar).
I sought counseling at my college as it was free. I was put on two different anti-depressants (Celexa and Zoloft). Neither worked and I felt as though I was meant to just be depressed. I stopped taking them. I was also diagnosed with schitzotypal personality disorder. I don't really know if that's true because I don't know how reliable a college's pychiatry tests are, but I do know that I do have problems.
I have been unemployed for over a year and the anxiety of having bills past due (Over $50,000 in student loans) is causing me to cry at the drop of a hat. My family is disgusted with me. I can't help my emotional outbursts. Things are getting so bad that I'm almost afraid to leave the house. In fact, I rarely leave on my own and for the most part have to be accompanied by my parents because I'm frightened of people. I love them and I love talking to people, but at the same time I'm always wondering if they have plans to hurt me.
I have no insurance, and my family can't afford to get me the help I need. I'm also too embarrassed to ask them for help. I also remember how they talked about how sad it made them to see me sad. So, I just try to suck it up so that they can all be happy. I don't want to be the cause of my family's sadness.
This isn't really a question. I just wanted to tell someone my story.
Thank you for reading.
|sdfirenze - Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:01 am|
I was so saddened to read your post. I am very sorry for your struggles. It sounds like you are really suffering and are in need of some help. I know that money can create serious problems, but I urge you to look for community resources that could offer some therapeutic assistance. Beyond therapy, it sounds like you could really use someone to talk to. I know that the United Way is usually a good source to find out about local community resources.
Also, I am not certain about this, but I believe that there is assistance available to individuals with certian diagnoses, including schizotypal personality disorder. If you do not feel this diagnosis is appropriate that is all the more reason to seek help from another therapist.
Keep in mind that your family loves you and never lose hope. I wish you the best of luck.
|Mystical_Dreamer - Thu Nov 17, 2005 1:29 am|
Thank you for replying. It means a lot to me. I'm sure there are places around here that I can go to for help (with or without money problems) and I'll certainly give it a go. I just need to kick my butt in gear and not be so afraid of asking for help.
Yes. My family does love me. Very much so. I'm lucky to have been born into a family that gets along and loves each other.
May your life be filled with blessings and may your dreams and wishes come true.
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